Jenna Jameson - My New Role Model?

jerm IX

I know, it sounds crazy, right? Jenna Jameson, a role model? MY role model?

Simmer down, readers, simmer down - it's not what you think. I do not want to follow Jenna Jameson's career path by any means - far from it. I am NOT part of the "1 in 3 viewers of online... are women" statistic.

No, I do not want wish to be any part of the adult entertainment industry (not a consumer or a participant) but I do covet one of Jenna Jameson's best qualities: I want her will.

On yesterday's Oprah show, Jenna sat on stage and told the world how she has made an empire out of something she was good at and enjoyed doing. She did it, she did it well, she wanted to become the best in the industry, she worked even harder, and she succeeded.

Now, she is married and just gave birth to twin boys and she's retired. Yes, she recognizes that her choices could cause a lot of embarrassment for her sons in the future and she's nervous about that but she's not ashamed of who she is or what she's done - she's only concerned about sparing their feelings, like any good mother.

She fought hard to get to where she wanted to be and now she is there and she is reaping the rewards of her labor.

And as Matt and I sat watching her on Oprah via DVR last evening, I burst into sobs of defeat, jealousy, and hopelessness. Why?

Well, because there I was, sitting on my couch plugged into my laptop and my cell phone, fielding text messages from parents informing me that their student's essay was in my inbox, could I read it and check the grammar?; responding to seven emails from students who truly needed my guidance to finish the last part of their research projects; forwarding information I had forgotten to send earlier in the day because I was interrupted by yet another person who desperately needed me to do something then and there; stressing over the ungraded papers and unentered grades that are coming due in just a few days; desperately trying to work on my novel so I can finish it before January, and worst of all, worrying about whether or not there will ever be enough money for me to put aside all of the above and stop stressing and finally begin the life that I want to live.

Jenna is younger than I am. She has her babies. She has a beautiful home and a doting husband and all the money in the world and she deserves it - she worked very hard for it.

But I'm working just as hard. I'm working a minimum of 15 hours a day trying to fit in all of the above. Which means there was no dinner for my husband last night. And my house is filthy and needs scrubbed from top to bottom. And Matty hasn't had a packed lunch for the past few weeks. And my unattended obligations and correspondences and laundry are piling up. And my car needs washed and cleaned out.

And my life is in chaos. And I can't get out of bed on time anymore because I'm just so, so tired. And I cry a lot. An awful lot.

And worst of all, because of this, my poor, poor, lovely husband who is so wonderful to me and who spends every minute of his life thinking only about me and our happiness and who is always positive and supportive, well, he gets me in return for all of his wonderfulness. That is so not fair.

So, What's La Pointe of It All? Jenna Jameson is winning and I am losing. I need to take some lessons from her - and not the kind she is used to giving.