Slamming Open the Door

On my Walk for Fitness this morning (I love to call it that, as if it's a charitable event... which in a way, it is - the charity receiving the benefit is my ass), I listened to Fresh Air on NPR. The guest was poet Kathleen Sheeder Bonanno, who recently published her first book, a collection of poems that record her reactions to her daughter's murder and its aftermath.

Her daughter, Leidy, was only 21 years old and a recent nursing school graduate about to embark on her career when she was strangled with a telephone cord by her estranged boyfriend.

The collection, entitled Slamming Open the Door, was awarded the Beatrice Hawley Award and two of its poems were nominated for the prestigious Pushcart Prize. Its content reveals an honest, and at times shocking, exploration of the range of emotions experienced by the poet, beginning with the moment her phone call to her daughter went unanswered and including her reactions to coming face to face with the mother of her daughter's murderer.

If you have a chance, check out the podcast here:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=111218053

The poems are compelling and beautifully written; Sheeder Bonanno is a high school English and Creative Writing teacher in Pennsylvania.

F My Life

I am not going to go into detail about the major stress and litany of disappointments we have encountered during our engagement, but let me just say that today's news is truly on the verge of putting me over the edge.

http://www.voanews.com/english/2009-07-30-voa25.cfm

There is a scene from the film Sliding Doors where Gwyneth Paltrow's character Helen is standing on a bridge in the pouring down rain, having just discovered that her boyfriend is married, and she is about to have a psychotic break. She turns to him and says something to the effect of "NO, you listen to me: I've had ENOUGH for one year".

That's exactly how I feel - I've had ENOUGH for one engagement!! Thank GOD I am marrying the most kick ass guy in the history of men because it's that knowledge alone that allows me to keep on keepin' on in the world of weddings... and now honeymoons.

Yep, that's right - we've booked our honeymoon in the new terrorist hot spot. Go us!

Wedding Videography

I'm not going to sugar coat it - I've always viewed wedding videography as LAME. Whenever I've been forced to re-live someone's wedding via film, I've been totally cheesed out; it's always been a huge green monster moment.

That is, until I saw this:

http://vimeo.com/2907628

and then this:

http://abryanphoto.blogspot.com/2009/05/megan-and-mihirs-8mm-may-2nd-2009.html

Needless to say, I've spent the past 24 hours scouring Scottish videographer websites and frantically searching British wedding boards for student film makers looking to make a buck.

I mean a pound.

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS

As curator of our local gallery of the National Gallery of Writing, The Writers of East Brunswick High School, I am pleased to announce a publishing opportunity for the students, faculty and alumn of East Brunswick High.

This gallery is dedicated to promoting works written by the students and teachers of East Brunswick High School, New Jersey. We invite works of traditional and contemporary poetry, flash fiction (under 1000 words), short-short stories (under 2500 words), personal essays (under 2500 words), and works of creative non-fiction (under 2500 words).

To submit to this gallery for consideration, use this link:

http://galleryofwriting.org/galleries/55353

from The National Council of Teachers of English:

“Whether we call it texting, IMing, jotting a note, writing a letter, posting an email, blogging, making a video, building an electronic presentation, composing a memo, keeping a diary, or just pulling together a report, Americans are writing like never before. Recent research suggests that writing, in its many forms, has become a daily practice for millions of Americans. It may be the quintessential 21st century skill. By collecting a cross-section of everyday writing through a National Gallery of Writing, we will better understand what matters to writers today—and when writing really counts. Understanding who writes, when, how, to whom, and for what purposes will lead to production of improved resources for writers, better strategies to nurture and celebrate writers, and improved policy to support writing.

America's writing will be front and center on October 20, 2009—the National Day on Writing. On that day, writers from every walk of life will pause to share their work. Communities across the nation are planning events to celebrate local writing, and NCTE will open the virtual National Gallery of Writing for all to appreciate the rich variety of work on display (the National Gallery will remain open until June 2010). A celebratory gala will be hosted by the New Yorker magazine in Manhattan to mark the National Day on Writing and to honor winners of the Norman Mailer High School and College Writing Awards”.

Rain

Enjoying a rainy day is, to me, a foreign concept. My mother, on the other hand, has enjoyed many a rainy day; therefore I'm assuming that today's blog pic encompasses how a rainy day might appear in her mind's eye.

It is NOT how a rainy day appears in my mind's eye; I tried to find a picture that represents my view of a rainy day however I couldn't find a one that showed a dripping wet version of Dante's 9th ring of hell.

Rain would, after all, extinguish the ever burning hell fires. This conclusion has lead me to believe that rainy days are evidence that this life is, at times, hell on earth.

I hate rain and according to The Weather Channel, it's going to rain on 9 of the next 10 days.

Great. Just what I need.

You see, I'm someone who posseses a rather weak control of my emotions. I can not stop my inate reactions to the world around me from determining, at some level, my mood. It's quite simple: on sunny days, I am sunny. On dreary days, I am dreary.

I don't have time for dreary right now - I've too many things to do and I need the weather to cooperate. Perhaps I'll turn Wiccan so that I can summon the energizing rays of the sun to shine upon me and help me fight through my to-do list.

Even Angelica Pinkerton hates the rain; last week when it rained one day for the entire day, she hid in our box spring mattress until it stopped. While we were sleeping last night (correction: while I was trying to sleep last night), she happily played with her red twist tie for hours upon end, ripping and racing up and down the hallway in fits of sheer joy and boundless energy.

That lasted until the black night gave way to a gray morning. When I woke up, she stopped playing for just long enough to gobble down some of her Funky Chicken breakfast but was anxious to get back to her twist tie (which she had been amusing herself with by wrapping it around one of the straps of my Chacos). When she finished eating, she skipped back toward my sandal but stopped short as she approached the back door.

As I watched her peer through the screen, I could tell that she was noticing the beads of water that had formed on the deck and suddenly, her demeanor changed from Frisky Cat to Cat Ennui. She slowly turned and gave me an exasperated "oh no, not this again" look and immediately dropped her head onto the carpet and began to mope.

Poor Pinks - it's unfortunate that she didn't inherit more of her grandmother's sunny disposition. Remind me to take lots of Vitamin C if I ever get knocked up.

BFF Brainstorming

I had a great weekend home in PA - so much got done that I finally feel as though I'm moving in the right direction. I may need to come home one more time before I leave for Scotland - or maybe not, since I leave in 25 days!! - but for the most part, I feel things are taken care of and heading in the right direction in terms of planning for the PA reception and more importantly, my future as a novelist!

Yep - I had an awesome brainstorming session while sitting on a rocking chair and watching rainclouds burst wide open over a Pennsylvania cornfield. Sitting on the front porch of my BFF's house at twilight on a warm evening is my absolute favorite way to spend a summer's night. We sat there for hours workshopping Covenhaven and finally, after months of little plot progression, we had a break through moment and the plot is finally resolved!!

When we began this project in November, it was full steam ahead for the first two months and then we both hit walls - actually, that's a bad analogy. We didn't hit anything, in fact, Aym was socked by a vicious cycle of the flu that rotated through her three kids, one at a time, for months while I became mired in editing and revision perfectionism.

There were many moments when we both thought this project was out of our hands - at one point, we decided that I should continue forward on my own; at another point, I considered shelving it and even began a new, unrelated project in a separate genre - but neither of us could let it go, nor could we end our collaboration.

Covenhaven is a joint venture - it's half me and it's half Aym - and that's what is going to set it apart from other novels in its genre. We have A LOT of work to do but now that we are both re-invigorated, I have no doubt that it will be enoyable and will get done.

Yard Sale

Today my mother and I are having a good old fashioned Watsontown yard sale and I am selling a treasure trove of crap I’ve acquired over the past few years.

The last time I had a yard sale was before I left Highland Park. Well, actually that wasn’t a yard sale; it was a “tag” sale because instead of hauling the goods down a flight of stairs and displaying them proudly on folding tables in the back yard, I invited the potential buyers inside and directed them up the staircase where they could examine the items in their natural habitat. It was a great success, of course, although I was a bit freaked out by the some of the weirdos who came back several times over the course of the weekend, as if they were casing the joint. Luckily, the day after the sale ended I was on a plane to Scotland so if they did come back later on to rape and gut me, I wasn’t there to notice.

I like to get rid of stuff almost as much as I like to acquire it. Perhaps even more so, since not only does purging de-clutter my life and my mind, it also reminds that “things” are only valuable if value is attached to them.

For instance, I’m selling what I think is pretty close to a one of a kind Coach handbag. I purchased at an outlet store a few years ago for about 100 bucks and from what I have gathered, it was never released in stores - perhaps because the rabbit fur trim sheds like an annoying pet.

Now, some people might call me crazy for selling such a treasure at a yard sale for, like, $20.00 but those are probably the same people who collect Beanie Babies or who refuse to take Barbie Dolls out of the box. Some might label this ridiculous furry Coach handbag a “collector’s item” and try to sell it on Ebay or hold on to it for future greatness but I am not one of those people. Nope, to me it is just a bag that served its purpose and now needs to go serve that purpose somewhere other than in my basement storage unit.

Does it bother me that I paid $100.00 for it and it’s probably going to end up marked down to $5?

Nope, not a bit. As a matter of fact, I’ll probably end up giving it away if someone with the right look comes to our sale.

Money’s money and stuff is stuff and each comes and each goes and it’s just too damn hard to keep track of either - money or stuff - so why bother attaching one to the other? It just doesn’t make sense to me.

And before you think I’m insane, please know that when I say value, I mean $ value. I do recognize the difference between monetary value and sentimental value; sentimental value is a whole other story but I won’t go in to that today because it’s not relevant - I’m not selling pieces of myself today. I’m just selling stuff, so if you’re in the Watsontown area, come check it out.

Ps. this is not a pic of my yard sale, so don't expect to buy a lamp.

When it's all said and done...

... and the wedding and three receptions are things of the past, Matty and I are going to make a huge attempt to simplify our lives.

During the school year, the combined stress of commuting, teaching, grading, and tutoring weighs heavily upon me and honestly, it takes some of the enjoyment out of my life. I tutor my ass off in an attempt to make more money so I won't stress about money.

However, my tutoring schedule translates to, on average, 10 - 12 hour work days - in addition to the 1.5 - 2 hrs. I spend commuting each day. Although my drive to work is usually pleasant, the drive home is nothing but painful.

Traffic is so much worse on the way home; when combined with the dread of finding a parking spot, my ride home is enough to bring on a series of panic attacks. Especially because I then begin to stress over what to make for dinner. Why? Well, because I never manage to get to the grocery store on a regular basis and when I do, I don't know what to buy - I hate to cook.

There, I've said it. Yep - I HATE to cook. Why? Well, it because it creates more work which in turn fills the remainder of the little time I have to spend with myself and with Matty.

Plus, cooking creates dirty dishes and God forbid if I realize that I forgot to empty the dishwasher before I dirtied more dishes - seriously, ask Matt what happens then. A sink full of dirty dishes could, if my life doesn't chill out soon, bring on a psychotic break someday in the future.

I APPLAUD working mothers but I don't understand how the hell they are able to do it because honestly, my brain would implode from the stress. Yep - If I am still working after we have a kid, I'm going to be one of those woman who leave their child strapped into a car seat in a locked car in some WalMart parking lot while I wander in alone and spend an hour staring numbly at a display of cat food.

I mean now if Matt asks me to pick up his dry cleaning, I'll remind myself a hundred times to do so only to forget the minute I roll back into town because, well, at that point I go into battle mode and the only thing I'm concerned with is finding a parking spot.

God forbid if I have an event planned for the same weekend that I have 120 essays and as many quizzes to grade. When that happens, (which does happen, honestly, at least 15 weekends a year) I'll stress to the point that I can't enjoy myself because I'm so focused on my workload.

And before you even mutter the phrase "but you have summers off", first do the math (hours spent at work+hours spent grading and lesson planning at home+hours spent commuting+plus expenses of commuting+hours spent looking for a parking spot / into my salary = a big waste of life) and then remember that you could have been a teacher, too.

Yep, after a summer spent stressing over wedding planning and dreading my return to 10 months of maximum stress, I am going to get serious about simplifying my life so that I can hopefully live the life that I want to live and stop allowing life to live me.

Mother UCK

This was not supposed to be today's blog. Today's blog was all about how I've finally started working out again after a 2 year hiatus. It was funny, informative and well written.

Until I accidentally closed the screen and lost everything.

I can't re-create it. It's gone; kind of like when I used to try and tell a story at the supper table and I would get really excited and talk really loudly and then my dad would put up his hand and say "lower your voice" and I would suddenly feel awful and icky inside and no longer want to continue my story.

My blog post is gone and I can not re-write it because my insides are all yucky. Instead, all I can do is yell one very bad word, very loudly, out loud, over and over again.

I hate everything.

UCK!

Loving the Yellow and Grey

I may need to drop orange from my wedding color palette - that is if MoH Karen is not too attached to her dress...

Why? Well, every inspiration board I look at for orange and yellow weddings seems to focus on a tropical theme.

I HATE tropical/beachy themes. It's just not me.

When I drop the orange, the yellow and grey really seem to soften and become very romantic, which is much more in the style of my new dress.

Just one problem - I can't help but want to incorporate another color... thoughts? Lavender? Green? Pink?

Angelica Pinkerton Sees a Ghost

Last night Angelica Pinkerton saw a ghost.

I'm not kidding - a spectre being must inhabit our home because Pinks clearly saw something that scared her. It happened around 7 pm; Matty was getting ready to go out to the grill and I was in the kitchen making a salad when I noticed Pinkerton's head peak out from behind the ottoman.

She was making an attempt to stay hidden while desperately trying to catch a glimpse of the ghost. Because Angelica Pinkerton is set in her routine (which, at night, consists of playing with her dumb bell or sitting at the screen door looking for bugs), it was obvious that something was not right, so I came down from the kitchen and she mewed for me to pick her up.

I picked her up and took her to the couch where we sat for a while. The entire time we sat there, she was behaving strangely - much too calmly, as if afraid to make a sudden move.

Matty came in from the patio and I filled him in - at first I thought she was sick, so he got out the laser pointer and played a bit of tag with her to see how she reacted and she did play along enthusiastically.

When we sat down to eat, however, she returned to her strange behavior and began casing the joint - she hopped up and explored places she's never bothered with before finally stationing herself in front of the hall closet.

Which, I've decided, is where the ghost resides.

Poor Angelica Pinkerton - her entire evening was ruined by the ghost of someone's dead Pekinese or poodle. This morning, she is still not quite back to normal - she didn't wake me up with her usual good morning head butt, nor did she race up and down the hallway 15 times.

Currently, she is sitting in the sun by the screen door with one paw curled lovingly around her 10 pound dumb bell, so I'm hoping things are returning to normal.

At least until the ghost comes out again tonight...

Wedding Jewelry

I've been up since 6:30 this morning trying to take care of more wedding details - I really need to get everything sorted as soon as possible because I can't spend the next 5 weeks obsessing over cupcakes and wrist corsages or I'll go mad.

Yesterday, I took my dress to my tailor to begin its re-vamping. I know, I know - I'm never satisfied. I'm having the sleeves removed, a thicker, gathered sash added and the train removed. She's also making me a mantilla veil edged with the same lace my dress is covered in. I'll need to keep in close contact with her because she's ridiculously busy and could easily forget about my dress, despite the fact that I'm her favorite customer. That's why I told her I was leaving the country 10 days before I actually am...

I can't believe I've been at this computer for over 5 hours - it takes SO long to make a dent in my list - but at least I ticked a few items: I emailed with my Scottish mom and spoke with my mom regarding the itinerary of events for the wedding days, I emailed Pete from the Sea Fari to arrange a trip to the Old Forge, and I researched and emailed 10 accommodations in and around Stirling and EDI to check availability for the days after the wedding.

But the highlight was chatting with Kari about wedding jewelry. I want an amazing necklace, now that my shoulders, collarbone, and most of my back will be bare. I found one on Etsy that I really like - I LOVE the concept but I'm not crazy about the detail, plus the designer is in Australia.

Here it is:

http://tiny.cc/1z4PS

Is there a proper name for this style of necklace? Kari and I kept Googling "Back Necklaces" to no avail... hee hee.

Wedding Cupcakes

Today I'm going to try and finalize my wedding cupcakes. My theme was white on white with silver embellishments when i was planning to wear the #34, style #FAM6E507 dress shown here:

http://www.maxazria.com/spring2009/

Now that I have a new, more traditionally romantic dress, I'm rethinking that decision. I love the look created on this posting pic and might use it as inspiration for my cakes.

I know that the small details of the wedding day won't be noticeable to anyone but me, but I can't help but regret the change in tone that has occurred with my change in dress. The first dress was, in my opinion, glamorous - an old Hollywood feel - whereas the new dress is much sweeter and pretty.

I've gone from channeling Angelina to becoming Jen Aniston - a change I'm totally comfortable with... except that the original gray, yellow, and orange theme doesn't seem quite right anymore and I don't know how to change it: my two girls have purchased their dresses and the dark gray/pale orange invitations have already gone out.

Thoughts?

La Pointe of It All

Welcome to La Pointe of It All In the midst of planning three wedding receptions, buying multiple wedding dresses and matching shoes, finishing my first novel, working on other writing projects, meeting the NJ Housewives, obsessing over Vibram FiveFingers and barefoot running, writing curriculum for work, etc., I've decided what better way to push myself over the edge than to launch my new blog ahead of schedule! So, here it is - my goal is to use this blog to organize my thoughts and add structure to my ADD life so first thing each morning (after I feed and water Angelica Pinkerton), I'm going to blog about whatever is pressing against that little part of my brain that I consider my self-destruct button. Enjoy - once the wedding is over, the main focus of this blog will be to record my writing life and, of course, the antics of Ms. AP, Kitten Extraordinaire!