For S.I.F. and All of My Pregnant Readers...

Dear fellow moms-to-be:

If any of you are able to put on a pair of heels and dance 

around like this at 38 weeks pregnant,

I may resign as your friend.  

Not only was I born hapless

 in the choreographed routine department, 

now at 17 weeks, I've grown out of all of my heels! 

Seriously - I tried on my wedding shoes today

and my heel stuck out, like, an inch and a half!

Now, don't get the wrong impression, 

I may feel like a brick house but I've only gained around 

12 pounds in my 17 weeks - yes, I know that's a lot but

 considering my diet used to consist of Starbucks, gummy candy

and wine (calm down, I'm exaggerating, I ate cereal, too), 

once I started to eat three meals a day, 

the weight gain was a no brainer.

But to gain it all in my FEET?  

Ugh.  Shoes are expensive!

So ladies, there's no way I'll be dancing in heels at 38 weeks; 

not only will I probably be confined to a rubber room by then, 

hell, I'll have to go to a cross dresser 

supply store to find a pair of heels to fit me!  

Which is why if any of you are gettin' jiggy wit it 

during the home stretch, just keep it to yourself!

Love,

Ali