Yep, that's right: if you know what's good for you, please don't ask to see my belly and don't even consider touching it. Don't ask how much weight I've gained or get all gooey on me with talk of spontaneous overflows of maternal feeling. I may hurl on you.
Don't tell me that I am radiating a glow of motherhood and have never looked better because I'll know you're lying. I am fat, uncomfortable, and in the midst of a major fashion crisis: the trifecta of a visual holocaust.
And please, don't go on about how much you loved being pregnant, roll your eyes while I'm complaining, or sigh that I need to "calm down and enjoy this special time". Instead, take a good look at my hands and notice how my nails are bitten to the quick and put two and two together: you expect me to calm down when wine and Xanax are no longer options? Ha!
Don't get me wrong - I'm thrilled that we are having a baby. I adore little Bebe LaPointe, despite the fact that she's only the size of a navel orange and seems to spend most of her time resting on my bladder. I have no doubt that I'll be a good mother and honestly, I'm not worried about anything post-birth.
Because luck is not my middle name, I inherited a healthy dose of my mother's worrisome nature in addition to an extreme overload of my father's pessimism. Combined, those two traits make for one anxious pregnancy.
Which is why I spend all of my waking hours praying that her heart is still beating while convinced that it's not.
Ugh. Only 25 more weeks to go...
Oh Ali, I feel your pain. On the outside I pretended to love being pregnant because after so many tries how could I possibly complain but on the inside I was a mess. Is she still breathing, does she have some rare disorder, will she have a stroke, etc. etc. If I wasn't awake at night peeing, I was awake at night worrying. Just hang in there. It is going to get much much worse before it gets better (it's insane how big I got at the end - I even had to have Randy cut off my wedding rings) but once she arrives and you realize that she is indeed breathing and just perfect, it is instantly better. Of course you will go home still wearing maternity clothes and that really bites but you have the perfect little excuse not to leave the house so noone really has to see you that way!
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If I were to predict how I'd feel about being pregnant, this would be my prediction. I'm glad you can just be honest about it. ;)
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