Soul Searching

lose and find
Originally uploaded by Leonard John Matthews

Sometimes I wonder if I'm losing my mind: one minute I'm full of confidence and making choices that are best for me and the following moment I'm wallowing in self doubt, affected by the choices of others.

I don't want to live like that, which is why my this year's love is to stick to my new mantra, "WWCYD? Simple - Make the Choices Best for Me and Mine" (the C & Y standing, of course, for my everyday gurus, Celine and Yolandie).

I am so good at people - it's my one true talent, the way some people are good at basketball or baton twirling - but sometimes I am so bad at me and today was one of those days.

I'm not going to go in to whose choices I allowed to influence my mood today or the nature of those choices; let's just say they deflated me to the point that I wound up leaning (yes, not even standing still but LEANING) against the hand rail of an escalator at the Newport Mall in downtown Jersey City.

(well, ok, I was also there because my car was across the parking lot at Pep Boys getting an oil change, one that I've put off for months now because I'm married and in my married world, husbands should take care of car needs, not wives who scrub the undercarriages of commodes, but of course my husband can't drive a stick shift, so there you go)

So, there I was riding up and down the escalator, feeling lackluster and spiritless and why? All because some poor choice maker decided to have at my soul today and I accepted those poor choices. Pathetic.

I caught a reflection of myself in the J.C. Penney's window and realized I needed to take action and quick - the thought of that moment turning all Groundhog Day on me was enough to get me off of those mechanized stairs. Well, that and the thought of a grande nonfat Caramel Machiatto.

But of course the Newport Mall has a Coach store but no Starbucks and of course the Barnes and Noble shoved down a tunnel like wing is the size of my classroom and doesn't have a cafe, so I wound up sitting on the floor between Young Adult Fiction and Christian Literature slurping down a sucky Gloria Jean's nonfat coconut latte, slumming.

And that's where the story begins.

So What's La Pointe of It All? Tune in tomorrow to read the story of me , two 15 year old black girls from Jersey City, and some Bibles.

And no - I haven't found Jesus, although I have heard that he is the reason for the season.


** Update **

Bibles, Bibles, every where but not a word to read...

Hey Readers,

I wrote what was, I believe, a witty tale of my adventure buying two young black girls from Jersey City a couple of pocket Bibles but when I went to upload it to the blog, something went haywire and I lost the post!!

It was truly disheartening - kind of like when I was young and used to talk too loud while telling a story at the supper table and Butchie would shush me and I would lose all interest in continuing.

Yep, that's where I'm at: I don't have the heart or the energy to write it again.

So, What's La Pointe of It All? Simply, while I was reading some bad YA Fiction on the floor of a depressing B. Dalton/BN, I overheard two girls pining for pocket Bibles. They were calculating when they might have enough money to buy them when I stood up and offered to purchase them in exchange for a promise that they would continue to be good girls who would always choose Bibles over bling. They swore; I purchased. 'Nuff said.