Wedding Blues

Zima Blue Trees
Originally uploaded by birdtoes

My friend Abbie and I had some really great talks during the walks we took in the days leading up to my wedding. I adore her - she is by far one of the classiest, most charming and most special people in my life (she just absolutely radiates goodness) - and I look forward to the time we spend walking together each summer because it engenders such meaningful discussions.

Abbie was married last September and her celebration was similar to ours: she invited everyone to spend a lovely fall weekend at a lovely hotel by the Lake of Mentieth in the Trossachs (the area east of Loch Lomond). It was at her wedding weekend that I met Cliff and Yolandie and Abbie's best friend Lynsey; by the end of that long weekend, I had formed a fast and firm friendship with the three and all were invited to my wedding. Unfortunately, our date coincided with the time that Lynsey was to be away on a business trip to China, so she was unable to make it but Cliff and Yolandie not only attended the wedding, Yolandie spent the entire week leading up to the day with us girls.

I remember how bittersweet it was to wave goodbye to Abbie and Jamie the morning after their wedding as they climbed into her little sports car and drove off to a Labor conference in Manchester (once again, bad timing) and to then turn to Karen, Heather, and my three new friends to say goodbye. Rarely does one find oneself part of such an authentic, communal bunch; I had gotten so used to spending every waking minute as a part of the group that I didn't know how I was going to function on my own. Who would ask me if I wanted a cup of tea? Who would I open a bottle of wine and watch "Britain's Greatest Love Stories" with?

I admit that for a few weeks after Abbie's wedding, I went through a bit of a blue period and on one of our walks this year, she told me that she did, too. We talked about the difficulty of spending months encapsulated by the wedding aura, then adding long, languid days surrounded by friends and loved ones, only to have it all come to an abrupt halt the morning after the vows.

So much attention is giving to wedding planning, the execution of the wedding itself, and the honeymoon, that one fails to think about how life will change when those moments are in the past and one is back living in the land of everyday existence.

There is, Abbie and I agree, a period of time a girl experiences once she is no longer a bride that is akin to mourning. Although each bride's loss varies - some grieve for the excitement of planning, others for the magic of the limelight, etc.

Others, like the two of us, long for the lost days of camaraderie to return and fill the emotional emptiness with the laughter of friends.

What's La Pointe of It All? My advice to brides - to - be is this: as part of your wedding planning, plan a weekend - perhaps 6 to 8 weeks after your wedding - to host a reunion of friends. It will help get you through the decrescendo.