A Full Service of Friendship

My best friend, Strachan, likes to joke with me about the number of best friends I have acquired over the course of my 36 years.

I admit - I have a lot of best friends but that label - "best" - isn't just for show or lack of a better term. While some choose to associate the word "best" with the connotation "most important", I prefer to use it denotatively, as in "of the highest quality, excellence, or standing: the best work; the best students"; i.e. , the best friends.

When my mother decides an occasion is worthy of use of her "best" china, she sets the dining room table by carefully choosing which pieces of the cherished service for twelve will best suit her needs. Her decisions do not reflect which pieces of her Noritake pattern are more special or more important than the other pieces; she simply puts out the ones she needs - even if a few are slightly chipped or flawed.

Last week, many "pieces" of my "best" service made the journey to Skye for my wedding. Considering the trip to Skye is a minimum 5 hour journey from the Glasgow airport, a lot of effort was required in planning and executing their appearances. Although the guest list didn't represent the complete "service" of my friends, it came pretty damn close and I can honestly say that those who were there are absolutely considered part of my "best" and could not have been replaced.

Like my mother, who would rather put out a piece of china with a slight chip in it than to exchange, say, an imperfect Noritake gravy boat for a Royal Dalton version, I feel that way about my friends; even though I find beauty in many other "patterns", my "best" and the "others" are not interchangeable (and I'm not implying that my friends are chipped or flawed, either - seriously, we all know the one in the veil is the cracked one of this group!) When I refer to several people as being one of my "best" friends or when I call a group of individuals my "best" friends, it's akin to how my mom refers to the pieces of her specific Noritake pattern (and there must be over 100 different pieces), as her "best" china. The importance it signifies is categorical and there is room in that category for many.

I'm fortunate that I was able to set my wedding table with so many of my "best" service pieces, including my mom and dad, Matt's mom and uncle, my godparents/Scottish mum and dad, and many of my best friends: Abbie and her husband Jamie, Karen, Laura, Heather, Sophia and Bobby and their two girls, Kendall and Avery, Celine, Liza, Yolandie and her husband Cliff, and James.

In addition, many of my friends from Skye, such as Ann and Victoria, and John and Effie Ann, cleared their schedules to be there for the festivities and our good friends Brian and Janet flew over from Northern Ireland, missing their grand daughter's 3rd birthday, to be there for our day. Karen flew from Abu Dhabi, many flew from Newark, still others made their way up from London, and my friend James drove almost 4 hours from his RAF base. Karen's parents, who operate a busy dairy farm outside of Glasgow and with whom I've spent great weekends on that farm, even caught the train to Mallaig on Friday and came up for a three day break, all in honor of my wedding. I'm sure you're getting the picture; these people truly are my best friends - all of them.

Like each piece of china in my mom's "best" service, each person in my group of best friends has his or her own purpose and function; each is there for a reason and not one is expendable. Over the years, my mom has sought out replacement pieces when the originals have broken and she's retired a few pieces when those pieces no longer suited her purpose (in theory, the egg cup is a great idea, but in actuality, Butch would rather have his egg fried or scrambled, while Ann would rather whip it into an egg bake). In terms of friendship, over the years I've considered a lot of people to be "best" friends of mine and yes, I am no longer in constant contact with many of those people but that's just because, like in the case of the egg cup, needs changed.

But although that friendship is no longer in regular rotation, it is still part of the service. Like the egg cups, which are still displayed in a place of honor in one of my mom's corner cupboard showcases, my former friendships are special to me. When my mother comes across a retired piece during her quarterly cabinet cleanings, I'm sure she feels as though she has run into an old friend and takes a moment to reminisce about the good ole times. I bet there is even a moment she envisions hosting a Sunday brunch and serving hard boiled eggs perched precariously atop the no longer in service egg cups, in order to bring them back into the fold.

That's how I feel when I run into an old friend. And like my mom, who by the time the dusting is finished and the cupboard door is closed has already moved on to a day dream in which all of the place settings are piled high with her latest breakfast casserole recipe*, I, too, am at a point where I realize that friends who have not managed to stay seated around the table are no longer there for a reason so instead of trying to resurrect the past (which does, in my opinion, little for one's future), I prefer to retire them to a place in my mind's eye where I can come across them during special moments of reflection.

My mom's Noritake is her "best china" for a reason - because she loves each piece equally and that includes the ones she no longer uses. She'll never abandon it and she'll never harbor ill feelings toward the pieces that no longer suit her needs. She'll continue to love the chipped sugar bowl as much as she adores the large serving platter; she shows no favoritism in regard to individual pieces, it just so happens that some occasions call for just cake and coffee whereas other gatherings require the full service.

What's La Pointe of It All? I feel exactly the same way about my best friends and I'm glad they had the chance to meet one another and understand just how important they are to me as individuals and as a group. The pictures attached to this post show a few of the lovely moments we had during my wedding week, working together as individuals to be of service and more importantly, to complete a service.

* My mom's famous breakfast egg bake is a dish which has, despite protests from several family members over a few disappointing versions and over the frequency which it is served, managed to retain its position in her self published "best recipes" cookbook. Paula Dean would be proud.