My Severed Self

Parenthood is such a mixed bag;

I adore Miss Chubby Cheeks because

 not only is she gorgeous and sweet,

she's ours.  The best part of this whole 

gig is the relationship between Matt 

and this little human who depends on us.

Little girls love their dads and I'm so 

glad I have given her the perfect pop;

the rewards are great and endless.

But to achieve greatness, one must sacrifice

and that's the part of parenting that is tough.

During the day, I'm full of joy and confidence

and parent happily; sacrifice comes easy 

during those light filled times.  But at night,

I feel like a severed self: detached from the

me of just weeks ago, from the life I used to 

live here at Headquarters, the one that 

consisted of just Matty, me and Pinks.

I'm willing to sacrifice anything in my 

present and future for my daughter happily

and without regret however it's 

yesterday's sacrifice that comes

back under the cover of darkness

and haunts me each evening.  

I can't pretend that I don't miss the old me

and acknowledging that fills me with guilt but

I'm not going to lie.  If there's one thing I 

can't tolerate, it's the lies perpetuated by moms

who are too afraid to tell the truth or whom

refuse to admit it to themselves and one another. 

I wish people had been more open with me

about their genuine experiences instead of

saying, "oh, don't worry - the minute the babe

is placed in your arms, you'll be so overwhelmed 

with love that you'll forget all of the bad stuff".

Well, I haven't forgotten and I won't forget 

and yes, I may be overwhelmed but love for

my daughter is only part of the whirlwind.

 I plan to be open and honest about my

experiences so that other women like me 

can, perhaps, allow my words to serve as a 

guide to help them through their experience.

Luckily, a dawn follows every dusk and 

new days bring new joys. I may be

severed from my old self but my new self

is firmly tethered to my best work yet:

Presenting Miss Chubby Cheeks, 2011