Rebirth

Right now, four of my dearest friends are gathered in Richmond Upon Thames.  It's 9 o' clock in the evening and I'm sure they are gathered at Abbie's local, enjoying a fantastic pub dinner and a few bottles of Sauvignon Blanc.

Abbie's husband, Jamie, is no doubt due to pop in any minute now to join the three Scottish lasses and the lovely South African for a pint (and to try his best to keep them under control so that the next time he goes in for a drink, he won't receive another report from the bar keep that his wife  "needs to kept under control...").

Up until now, I've managed to hop the pond and be the fifth wheel on these girly weekends.  I've flown to London, Glasgow and Edinburgh to spend just a few days (or hours!) in the company of my friends and likewise, they've joined me for mad NYC shopping weekends, beach days, and cabin retreats.  What can I say? We're a package deal.

Until now.

Tomorrow morning they'll recap their night out over tea and porridge at Giraffe but there will be a coffee missing amongst those four teas.

A coffee and me.

As you know, I'm 26 weeks pregnant but it's not the pregnancy itself that kept me joining my girls, it's the expense.

With a baby on the way, we're trying really hard to watch our finances.  When Karen first emailed us all to say she would be in from Abu Dhabi on business in London, I immediately went to Kayak and checked ticket prices, telling myself that if it was under $500, I would convince Matty that I needed to go.

But the price wasn't under $500.  It was no where close; the cheapest ticket was $900 and even I couldn't justify that at this time, particularly not when we spent a ridiculous amount on our summer tickets to Scotland.

So here I am on the couch watching Oprah while my girls catch up on one another's lives: Karen's recent trip to Portugal; the status of the offer Abs and Jamie made on their dream home; Heather's rising career at the Royal Bank of Scotland; the opening of Yolandie's bistro and her upcoming move back to SA.

And I'm miserable.

I miss them so much; there's nothing, NOTHING that compares to the moments I've shared with these girls.  I don't know what it is, but there is just something special about our friendship that when I am in their company, I feel whole.

I'm trying hard to keep my sadness and jealousy in check but considering how hormonal I am, it's not easy because this is the first time that it's really hitting me: I'm having a baby and my life is about to change exponentially and I'm not quite sure I'm ready for that change.

I'll get there, I know, but it won't be this weekend.

I guess Bebe's birth will have to be my rebirth because at that point, I'll have no other option...