Hitting the Snooze

I'm tired of hearing axioms such as "there's no right time to have a baby" and "no matter how much you plan, you won't ever be ready" and worst of all, "don't worry about money, it will work itself out".

Obviously, whoever coined those phrases wasn't living and working in New Jersey in 2010.

But I am and so I would like to offer them a few words of my own wisdom:

SHUT UP.

Do you think that was loud enough? Let's hope. If I've learned anything in life, well these three things are pretty clear:

There IS a right time and a wrong time to make life changing decisions

Thoughtful and thorough planning DOES make a huge difference when faced with a massive undertaking

and

If you're not working, money WILL NOT work itself out.

That said, I should've had a baby years ago when I was young and immature and didn't know better because now that I'm established in my marriage, my life, and my career, it's my age and maturity that make this decision so damn hard to make!

One thing we have decided on is that when we do have a bambino, I'm going to stay home with her (it will be a girl because God feels bad for giving me Andy instead of a nice, cute sister just my size). It's important to both of us that I stay home because we don't want the baby commuting on the turnpike and none of our family is going to drive into Hoboken on a daily basis to watch it. That's my job.

But at the moment, if I stay home and we lose my salary, after we pay the mortgage and the rest of our bills (no credit card debt, just standard living expenses) and feed the baby, we'll be broke and won't be able to afford my wine habit.

And I heard that it's impossible to get through the first year without drinking.

(Laugh, people - that was funny!)

Seriously though, call me selfish, call me stupid, call me what you will, but I refuse to take a step backward in order to move forward. I just don't think that our standard of living should suffer if we have a child: I'm 36, not 26 or 16.

Maybe 26 year olds and certainly 16 year olds (word up, Catelynn and Tyler - LOVE YOU!) can justify a major financial or lifestyle setback but I've worked too damn hard to CHOOSE to sacrifice a $15 dinner with a good friend or an afternoon Starbucks run.

Because that is what it would come down to if we have a baby right now.

Like I said above, I don't want our standard of living to suffer; I realize it would change, (farewell to overseas travel, no more after school pick me up trips to Anthro) and I'm cool with an adjustment but not with an complete overhaul: passing up a once a month dinner with friends? Or the luxury of throwing a few magazines into the cart at the checkout counter? Yeah... I don't think so.

If I sound selfish, it's because I am: when I have a baby, I need to be happy, healthy, secure, and most importantly, as stress free as possible. I'm convinced that babies in utero are significantly affected by a mother's stress and I'm a gal who has a lot of stress already; I don't need more. Worrying about money stresses me out. And at this point, I refuse to make my husband financially responsible for three people on his income alone.

I recognize that many couples lovingly sacrifice their worlds to have children; I know that pregnancy comes as a surprise to couples and sacrifice becomes the only option. But I also know that I get to decide what sacrifices I want to make and well, I'm not ready to make such a drastic one right now/

So, I'm hitting the snooze button until the time is right for us and hopefully, when it is, my clock will still be ticking.