During the school year, the combined stress of commuting, teaching, grading, and tutoring weighs heavily upon me and honestly, it takes some of the enjoyment out of my life. I tutor my ass off in an attempt to make more money so I won't stress about money.
However, my tutoring schedule translates to, on average, 10 - 12 hour work days - in addition to the 1.5 - 2 hrs. I spend commuting each day. Although my drive to work is usually pleasant, the drive home is nothing but painful.
Traffic is so much worse on the way home; when combined with the dread of finding a parking spot, my ride home is enough to bring on a series of panic attacks. Especially because I then begin to stress over what to make for dinner. Why? Well, because I never manage to get to the grocery store on a regular basis and when I do, I don't know what to buy - I hate to cook.
There, I've said it. Yep - I HATE to cook. Why? Well, it because it creates more work which in turn fills the remainder of the little time I have to spend with myself and with Matty.
Plus, cooking creates dirty dishes and God forbid if I realize that I forgot to empty the dishwasher before I dirtied more dishes - seriously, ask Matt what happens then. A sink full of dirty dishes could, if my life doesn't chill out soon, bring on a psychotic break someday in the future.
I APPLAUD working mothers but I don't understand how the hell they are able to do it because honestly, my brain would implode from the stress. Yep - If I am still working after we have a kid, I'm going to be one of those woman who leave their child strapped into a car seat in a locked car in some WalMart parking lot while I wander in alone and spend an hour staring numbly at a display of cat food.
I mean now if Matt asks me to pick up his dry cleaning, I'll remind myself a hundred times to do so only to forget the minute I roll back into town because, well, at that point I go into battle mode and the only thing I'm concerned with is finding a parking spot.
God forbid if I have an event planned for the same weekend that I have 120 essays and as many quizzes to grade. When that happens, (which does happen, honestly, at least 15 weekends a year) I'll stress to the point that I can't enjoy myself because I'm so focused on my workload.
And before you even mutter the phrase "but you have summers off", first do the math (hours spent at work+hours spent grading and lesson planning at home+hours spent commuting+plus expenses of commuting+hours spent looking for a parking spot / into my salary = a big waste of life) and then remember that you could have been a teacher, too.
Yep, after a summer spent stressing over wedding planning and dreading my return to 10 months of maximum stress, I am going to get serious about simplifying my life so that I can hopefully live the life that I want to live and stop allowing life to live me.
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