The Cheeks Wakes Up

One Month Alive

1 Month Old

(Don't worry, mom - she was 

only barelegged for the pic)

Congratulations to me! 

I've managed to keep The Cheeks alive

pretty much on my own for an entire month; 

this is huge! Yep, today The Cheeks turns 

one month old; I've decided to celebrate her 

monthstones on the day she was born (the 28th)

 instead of every four weeks so today we are 

really partying, which means she is eating extra

formula and I am sticking stickers on onesies

in an attempt to capture this moment in a decent pic

(we're both kind of failing at our respective celebrations).

There have been a lot of ups and downs this past 

month and there will continue to be but I gotta say,

I'm enjoying this adventure more than I dislike it.

Earlier today, I took a moment and scrolled back

through the posts I've written since she was born 

and couldn't help but wonder, have I become

a "mommy blogger"?  Ugh, that's a classification 

I gotta admit I'm not crazy about.  At all.  Not one bit.

Why? I don't know.  I'm just not comfortable with

the word "mommy".  I don't like it and never have; as

a matter of fact, it's on my list of words I hate, along with

disgusting gems such as "panties" and "potty" (ugh,

just typing those words makes me cringe). I wish

I could come up with a substitute title that I like

because The Cheeks is going to have to call me 

something and as rad as I am, it's not going to be Ali.

Momma is better than mommy, in my opinion, although

I can't decide if it's better to spell it like that or "mama".

I looked up "mother" in about 30 different languages and

although there are a few variations, it's pretty much

the universal root so there's not a lot of hope there.

So, you can see why I'm not too keen on having

that title define my blogger status: I'm still me.

My subject matter may have increased with

the addition of this new topic but I'm still the same

writer, writing about issues that are most 

pressing to me and my experience and lately,

those just happen to center around motherhood.

On the bright side, if I accept and embrace 

the "mommy blogger" classification, then I'll

finally have a niche in the blogging community,

something that I've not been able to establish.

Something to think about, I suppose.

So, what have I learned this past month of motherhood?

A few things, the most important being this:

My life may have changed significantly

 but I am still the same me.

And Now, A Word from Our Sponsors...

Ok, so this isn't a word from my sponsor, it's just some 

words inspired by and taken from The Sentence of Dave.

Apparently, since I've been on maternity leave, my super 

smart (and often smart ass) colleague has taken it upon 

himself to champion the fight against charter schools. 

Although I'm a public school teacher, I've always believed in 

choice - that is, until I voted Governor Christie into office and he

began to promote his own fiscal agenda under the guise of "choice"

 for our families and then inferred that because I belong to a union,

 I am "selfish, self-interested, greedy" and "care 
more about putting money in [my] own pocket, and 
the pockets of members, than [I] care about 
educating our most vulnerable and needy children".

Ever since Christie launched his attack on NJ public school
teachers, I've felt a fool for falling for his campaign bullshit
 and have been more diligent in my efforts to determine the truth 
behind his rhetoric. Since school vouchers are his weapon of 
choice for his latest attack on public education, I feel it's 
important to understand their impact on public schools.

The more I read and think about charter schools, 

the more I'm inclined to agree with my friend Dave. 

In theory, charter schools appear a good idea because they 

afford choice to communities with failing public schools.

Unfortunately, that choice serves only to band-aid these 

failing schools while they continue to fester under its cover.  

I could go on, but why bother when you can go here to 

read Dave's recently published editorial on the subject or here 

to check out his latest side project, a blog devoted solely to the subject.

And if you're not interested in education and would prefer

some lighter reading, check out this instead; 

like I said, he's a smart guy but for many, it's his smart 

ass comments that make him truly loveable.

*I apologize for the formatting issues.

3 AM Thoughts

Last night - or was it early this morning? - while I

was feeding The Cheeks, my mind went off time traveling;

I made a note of some of its destinations because I thought

 those 3 am thoughts would make a good blog post.

What prompts our mind to dig back into its archives?

A thought? An image? A conversation?

I tried to figure that out last night when my mind

led me back to late high school and a few days 

spent in Kennett Square kissing boys and crashing cars.

From there, I journeyed to the basement of a raised 

ranch where I bumped into an R.E.M. t-shirt worn for

30 days straight (not by me) before moving on to

one of the coolest apartments I've ever been in.

I got drunk for the first time in that apartment, 

at a small, intimate gathering thrown by an underage kid 

whose absentee mother owned the place. 

While The Cheeks finished up her bottle, I wondered about 

that kid and what he's up to now. He was a good friend 

for a short while: we wrote letters to each other, shared music 

and bottles of Mad Dog 20/20 at back yard parties (we were

 both partial to orange, I do recall). He was funny but I don't 

think his life was much fun: he lived in State College but

 his mom's place was in Milton. Recognizing that all these years

later made me sad and as I rocked my babe to sleep, 

I wondered what separates a mom from her child?

It's crazy how one's mind can be cloudy yet clear: during

that late night feeding, I barely kept a steady hand (thus 

spilling formula down my baby's neck) yet the names of 

everyone I encountered during my time traveling were 

crystal, even if the faces were obscured by years. 

Hoboken Moms

Tuesday morning, The Cheeks and I ventured out in to the 

winter snow and made our way to our first meeting 

of the Hoboken Hospital New Moms Support Group.

The Cheeks bundled up for her big adventure

I heard about this group from my friend Michelle; 

a few weeks ago, she even texted me an early 

morning reminder that it was meeting that day, but

I had to pass because I couldn't pull myself together

in time to make its 11 am start. I planned on going last 

week but, of course, an ice storm ensued and thus the

meeting was canceled; when I called the hotline this morning,

the recording announced that the group would meet despite 

the snow so I had no excuse but to get myself out the door.

I arrived a few minutes after 11 and was surprised to find a 

room of women and strollers; part of me assumed that I would

be the only loser there, so I was pleased to find others. In 

the next 30 minutes, the size of the group quadrupled.  All

in all, there were about 30 women and babies there, which 

was a bit overwhelming.  I surveyed the group and made 

mental notes of which moms I wanted to befriend: the

ringlet-ed blonde who has already hired a night nurse, 

the girl with the English accent who has the hair cut I 

thought I was getting when I hacked mine off in a 

hormonal fit, the pretty cocoa skinned gal whose 

daughter was dressed identical to mine and the flush 

faced Bjorn wearer whose son slept the entire 2.5 hours.

After a bit of hub-bub, the group leader introduced herself 

and suddenly, I wondered if I was in the wrong place.

Was this a meeting for all new moms or just the ones in

need of her lactation consultation? Within minutes, I realized

that I was, by far, the minority member of the group which 

sucked, because there's no affirmative action advantage to 

parenting.  I sat there for over an hour trying to connect 

with someone but it was clear that most of the girls weren't

interested.  It was bizarre - for a group of "new moms", 

there seemed to be an established social hierarchy
and I was clearly at its bottom.

As we went around the room introducing ourselves 

and asking questions, one by one, girls started moving about

and little cliques started forming.  One group of girls took over 

a corner and, between diaper changes, made plans to see a 

movie. Another posse who clearly viewed themselves

as the power group walked over to a table of oddly shaped

apparatuses, strapped them around their waists, and

 proceeded to whip out bubbies right and left (one
 so large, it looked like a small version of the Astrodome).

At that point, I broke out in a cold sweat and so did 

The Cheeks however her sweat was accompanied by

a sharp, distinctive cry (much like the one I wished I could 

unleash at that time). Just as I found an empty corner and 

managed to secret out my Ready to Feed 2 ouncer,
wouldn't ya know it, it was my turn to talk.  

All eyes were on me as I shoved the devil nipple 

into my babe's mouth and announced my name.  

Looking down at the bottle of Milk of Beezlebub,

Bluntly, I asked if I was the only mother exclusively

formula feeding. Of the 32 girls, just 2 others raised their hands
and, of course, neither was on my preferred list of future friends.

Hell, even the girl who hired a night nurse and dropped the F

bomb three times is giving her kid the boob (and let me just say,

in the words of a Seinfeld episode, they looked "real and spectacular").

I have a lot of flaws but one thing I am is self aware.  Even

though I personally find myself amusing and great company, 

I realize that I'm not everyone's cup of tea.  My first impression

often fails and today was a clear example. However whereas
 I used to want everyone to adore me, I now realize that those

who aren't drawn to me off the bat are rarely my type;

therefore, it makes sense for them to stare at me with  

vacant expressions when I crack one of my sarcastic barbs.  

Toward the end of the meeting, my radar began to work

properly and I found myself chatting in a small group of girls.

While none of them are formula feeding, they were all
from my original preferred list (Bjorn girl) and didn't

judge me when I mentioned that parenting got a lot easier 

when I started drinking in the early afternoon; one even

asked if she could join me! It made rejection from

the other moms a lot easier to handle.  

Hell, I'd rather hang with the Wino Moms

 than with the Tiger Moms any day!

Weekend's End

The Cheeks, January 23rd, 2011

The weekend has come to an end, and

so has my mom's stay in Hoboken.  I met my

parents in Delaware Water Gap on Thursday; no, 

that's not grammatically incorrect - DWG is not just

a geographical formation, it's a town, too, that has a 

diner, appropriately named the Delaware Water Gap Diner.

That's where we met up for a bit of breakfast so my dad 

could spend some time with his granddaughter before making

a 180 and heading back to Watsontown, sans my mom.

My mom, The Cheeks, and I drove in the opposite direction 

back to Jersey where my mom spent three days encamped at 

Headquarters.  I was nervous, I'll admit, about having three

adults and a baby sharing 700 square feet but it turned 

out to be the best three days I've had in a long time.  While 

Matt was at work, my mom and I indulged in hours of reality 

and HG tv, while she held a double blanketed baby (because

 our place is quite drafty) and I puttered around making sure

that everything was in its place. At night, the four of us 

hung out together. Luckily, my mom and my husband get

 along famously: they share a common love of hanging 

out on the couch and watching 48 Hours Mystery. 

Grammy Kline and the blanketed Cheeks

My mom insisted on getting up with The Cheeks for her 

middle of the night and early morning feedings (she has a 

bottle around 10:30 pm and then usually sleeps until 

2:30/3 am.  After that bottle, she falls back asleep and is 

out like a light until 6/6:30 am).  Our girl is highly scheduled, 

a modified Babywise baby; it works for us and affords 

me a bit of sanity during what has been a fairly crazy time.

So for the past three nights, Matty and I have slept through

the night, for the most part.  My innate alarm went off each

night at her feeding times and so I checked the monitor

screen and watched as two robed arms reached in and

stole my baby from her crib.  I felt guilty allowing my

mom to do my job but I would have had to fight 

her for the position.  As she said, she's waited "65 years 

for this". Whereas that is an exaggeration, she truly

feels that way so who am I to deny her dream?

Yesterday, The Cheeks had a lot of visitors. The gorgeous

Balasa sisters came to visit in the early afternoon, arriving

with the most beautiful outfits; I can't wait to dress my

little girl in her adorable lavender sweat suit!

Alina, The Cheeks,  Stefania, and me

Then in the afternoon, Matt's mom came to hang 

out with my mom.  The two grandmothers enjoyed 

a long afternoon of grandparenting while Matty and 

I endured an even longer afternoon at Ikea, a trip

that culminated with us ditching our cart mid-check 

out line because the Elizabeth store was full of a 

bunch of animals.  We just couldn't deal.

To top off the weekend, last night we went on 

a hot date to Anthony Davids while mom spent some

one-on-one time with our girl.  We stopped at my 

favorite Hoboken hot spot, The Blue Ribbon, to

pick up a bottle of Frei Pinot Noir and then made

our way across town to the restaurant.  We put our 

name on the list and then walked to Helmers for

a few Palms.  It was really nice to be out, just

the two of us, on a date night but I did miss

The Cheeks - thank goodness my mom has become

text savvy, because we were able to go back and

forth a few times to keep each other updated.

This morning, we found ourselves back at the DWG 

Diner where we enjoyed another breakfast/lunch

with my dad.  Both he and Matty discovered they 

weren't alone in what each assumed was his own

novel idea to hook a formula IV up to babies to 

make feeding times more efficient and effective.

Pappy Kline and The Cheeks in a pose forced 

upon both by my mother...

My mother and I were not amused (or rather

I pretended that it was a bad idea in order to 

keep up appearances as a good mother). As

we drove back to Hoboken, we talked about

how great the weekend had been and Matt remarked

several times that we need to do this on a regular 

basis, and not just because it afforded him a 

get-out-of-weekend-early-morning-feedings-free card.

I agreed that we need to do this often; I want my mom 

to spend as much time with her granddaughter as possible.

I feel an enormous sense of guilt and sadness that we don't 

live closer to my parents and that they don't have the 

opportunity to see The Cheeks on a regular basis, so 

this is a good way to ensure that they can.

However, I think that mid week visits are in order; 

those weekend early morning feedings are essential 

to seal the bond between Matt and his daughter...

Thank You

Since my last post, I've received so much love

from many of my readers and friends.  I am so grateful

to all of you who took a moment out of your hectic 

lives to email, text or call me to offer your stories 

and support; each and every word is truly appreciated

 and has served to bolster my spirits during 

this happy but emotional time.  I've heard from old

friends and new ones; from college buddies and blog 

buddies; from as close by as Jersey City and as far 

away as Northern Ireland and Alaska.

Each of you has proven that I am not alone;

that you are not alone; that we are in this together.

Baby Eliza is an absolute love and each day, Matty and I 

look at her and marvel at this little soul who is ours to 

love and protect. At just three weeks old, she is a pillar 

of strength and proved that to her dad the other evening

when he put her on the bed on her stomach and

within a few moments, she had pushed herself

up and turned herself onto her back.

Personally, I've been trying to keep myself centered

by looking for the silver lining in each situation.  

As of late, The Cheeks and I have been

venturing out on our own during the day and 

this week alone, have made two significant 

trips: the first to visit Jen and Co. in Basking

Ridge for the day and the second, to the

Delaware Water Gap where I met my parents 

and returned to Hoboken with my mom,

who will be spending the next few days with us.

The days have been filled with light, which

allows The Cheeks to really shine.

Evenings, however, are still my beast

of burden. Once the sun goes down, so does my

mood and confidence.  I spend too much of my time

anticipating what's to come and worrying about

how it's going to go. We have established a nice 

bedtime routine, however it involves sacrificing our

bedroom to The Cheeks for the first part of her 

evening sleep. While she luxuriates in 1/3

of our overall living space, Matty and I spend the

evening quietly confined to one room.

Thankfully, we really like each other but

even that doesn't make it easy.

I'm so thankful that my mom is here and 

willing to take on the middle of the night

feedings for the next few nights; I'll get

to sleep through the night, in theory. In

actuality, I'll probably keep the monitor

on because I'm a control freak and will feel 

super guilty that my mom is parenting my child.

But isn't guilt what parenting is all about?