I've been talking to a friend of mine who is contemplating ending her two year relationship with a pretty great guy. Because he is a good guy, it's hard for her to make the break, I mean, why break up with a nice guy when there are a lot of jackasses out there, right?
That's the attitude society takes, that she's "lucky", and should realize it before she "makes a big mistake" because "good guys are hard to find". Ugh, I hate it when people take that attitude. Just because a guy is a great guy and the relationship is "good", doesn't mean it's the right relationship.
In addition, they have a shared history and she's entwined with his family; both make it even harder for her to end the relationship. She even has a bunch of her stuff stored at his parent's house, which is giving her a lot of angst. I told her that she might as well kiss that stuff goodbye because once she makes the break, she won't ever see it again.
And she needs to make the break. The longer she stays in limbo land avoiding the situation, the more difficult it's going to be to make the break and the more it's going to hurt.
Which is why when she told me that yesterday, while the two of them were out shopping, she bought some Christmas tree decorations, I couldn't help but ask if she was going to store them in his parent's basement in her hopeless chest.
The image cracked both of us up but it's a valid question. I think we all turn into hoarders when we're trying to fill a void or when we want to avoid making decisions. It's easier to carry on and pretend to be moving forward by ignoring the situation and instead focusing on the pretend future.
Buying Christmas tree ornaments for a tree they'll never decorate together is one way to fill a hopeless chest but why bother filling it at all when instead, they can shut the lid and move on.
When a relationship has run its course, there's no use in retracing the route. It's hard to end a relationship with someone you love but are no longer in love with, but it's fruitless to continue filling a hopeless chest: they are bottomless and whatever is put into them turns into regret.
And that's the last thing she needs - she's young, successful, and gorgeous but more importantly, she has the Happy Gene and is always looking on the bright side. I would hate to see that go away but it could if she doesn't make the right decisions now - some people would be surprised at how easily it is for one to stay in a dead end relationship for years, and years, and years...
Which is why I advised her to stop pressuring herself about making this decision and instead, go out and get a hope chest because unlike a hopeless chest, whatever goes in, turns into the future.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Philly in the Morning, NYC in the Eve
It's a two centre holiday tomorrow!
I'm heading to Philly tomorrow morning on Amtrak to see McRitter! I'm so excited - it's been a LONG time and I miss her and the City of Brotherly Love. We are going to brunch, chat, shop, Zoomba, chat, lunch, shop, and chat some more in the car while she drives me to Trenton to catch NJTransit north to NYC (which is about $65 less than taking Amtrak home).
I'm heading to NYC instead of straight back to Hoboken because in the early evening, I'm meeting up with another long lost pal, the lovely Laura Agrusti ! I can't believe it's literally been YEARS since we've seen one another and I'm thrilled to meet up with her for dinner and drinks and lots of catching up!
Tomorrow's going to be a big day for me - not only am I hanging out with two of the most fabulous girls in my life (both fellow travelers whom I've wandered abroad with) but I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and hanging out in two major East Coast cities in one day instead of spending another day on the couch with Pinkerton!
Which, I admit, causes a bit of anxiety: I need to figure out an ideal out and about, cold weather/day to evening outfit, determine which papers I'm going to read on the train (probably the Brodie essays from my honors class) and make sure I'm charged and wired.
Not an easy feat for someone who's becoming more comfortable watching HGTV for hours on end than leaving the house for a cocktail on a weeknight.
Oh! The best part of the day is that Matt is going to the Rangers game so we are going to meet up with him afterward for a drink, which means we'll take the PATH home together.
Aw, love.
I'm heading to Philly tomorrow morning on Amtrak to see McRitter! I'm so excited - it's been a LONG time and I miss her and the City of Brotherly Love. We are going to brunch, chat, shop, Zoomba, chat, lunch, shop, and chat some more in the car while she drives me to Trenton to catch NJTransit north to NYC (which is about $65 less than taking Amtrak home).
I'm heading to NYC instead of straight back to Hoboken because in the early evening, I'm meeting up with another long lost pal, the lovely Laura Agrusti ! I can't believe it's literally been YEARS since we've seen one another and I'm thrilled to meet up with her for dinner and drinks and lots of catching up!
Tomorrow's going to be a big day for me - not only am I hanging out with two of the most fabulous girls in my life (both fellow travelers whom I've wandered abroad with) but I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and hanging out in two major East Coast cities in one day instead of spending another day on the couch with Pinkerton!
Which, I admit, causes a bit of anxiety: I need to figure out an ideal out and about, cold weather/day to evening outfit, determine which papers I'm going to read on the train (probably the Brodie essays from my honors class) and make sure I'm charged and wired.
Not an easy feat for someone who's becoming more comfortable watching HGTV for hours on end than leaving the house for a cocktail on a weeknight.
Oh! The best part of the day is that Matt is going to the Rangers game so we are going to meet up with him afterward for a drink, which means we'll take the PATH home together.
Aw, love.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Christmas in Watsontown and Back in Hobo Again
Pic #1: Remember when it used to read, "Pennsylvania, America Starts Here" ? I always liked that slogan:
Pic #2: Brother Andy dancing with the Kline's Christmas Cat, Maggie, who spent her 2nd Christmas at 413 Elm. She really likes my brother:
Pic #3: Me, pedaling down memory lane at the Anderson's holiday open house. The bike belongs to the 8th grade love of my life, Pat Bzdak - it's his circa 1986 Hutch freestyle bike. I spent many a joyous summer afternoon riding on the pegs of that ride, until I stood up and raised the net he was trying to jump at the 8th street park, causing him to break his collar bone... sorry, Pat!
Pic #4: Back home and barely awake after a hellish drive yesterday and a Tylenol PM induced coma, I put one of Matty's amazing gifts to good use this morning. This milk frother ROCKS; LONG LIVE KEURIG:
Pic #5: Check out the froth on that cup! Seriously:
Second Holiday Tradition, Derailed.
Ugh.
Matty and I are trying to establish some holiday traditions but it hasn't been easy this year.
Our original holiday tradition was going out to dinner on Christmas Eve. This year, we went to his mother's for brunch that day, then did some last minute shopping and by the time we got home, we were too exhausted to go out so we ordered sushi.
Our second holiday tradition came to a halt last year when Jeff and Michelle and Monty all got the flu and couldn't join us for our New Year's Eve tradition of getting together at one of our homes, ordering food, and watching the To Catch a Predator marathon. Now that Enzo is on the scene in The Heights, I'm not sure what our favorite couple is up to this year so Matt and I decided to keep it low-fi and make up for Christmas Eve by going out for a nice New Year's Eve dinner.
*Matt works on NYE - it's his bank's busiest day of the year so it's hard for us to plan to do anything that involves a time schedule or leaving Hoboken/Jersey City. We wish we could get together with the Indian Hills gang but alas, driving up north on NYE is not an option after Matt's worked a 13 hour day. Sorry gang - we'll miss you !!
Unfortunately, when Matt called Dino and Harry's this morning (our first choice for dinner, pictured above) he was laughed at - they are booked solid. He then called our second choice, Amanda's, only to discover that their only availability is for their 9:30 pm seating - which cost $150 PER PERSON.
These are our two favorite places, reserved for special occasions, thus perfect for our new traditions. We're trying here at 79 Monroe but man, tradition ain't easy.
Matty and I are trying to establish some holiday traditions but it hasn't been easy this year.
Our original holiday tradition was going out to dinner on Christmas Eve. This year, we went to his mother's for brunch that day, then did some last minute shopping and by the time we got home, we were too exhausted to go out so we ordered sushi.
Our second holiday tradition came to a halt last year when Jeff and Michelle and Monty all got the flu and couldn't join us for our New Year's Eve tradition of getting together at one of our homes, ordering food, and watching the To Catch a Predator marathon. Now that Enzo is on the scene in The Heights, I'm not sure what our favorite couple is up to this year so Matt and I decided to keep it low-fi and make up for Christmas Eve by going out for a nice New Year's Eve dinner.
*Matt works on NYE - it's his bank's busiest day of the year so it's hard for us to plan to do anything that involves a time schedule or leaving Hoboken/Jersey City. We wish we could get together with the Indian Hills gang but alas, driving up north on NYE is not an option after Matt's worked a 13 hour day. Sorry gang - we'll miss you !!
Unfortunately, when Matt called Dino and Harry's this morning (our first choice for dinner, pictured above) he was laughed at - they are booked solid. He then called our second choice, Amanda's, only to discover that their only availability is for their 9:30 pm seating - which cost $150 PER PERSON.
These are our two favorite places, reserved for special occasions, thus perfect for our new traditions. We're trying here at 79 Monroe but man, tradition ain't easy.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
LaPointe (not La Pointe) of it All
So, I distinctly remember a conversation Matt and I had after we got engaged in which I asked him if there was a space between La and Pointe.
He said there was one. At least that's what I heard and ever since, I've used a space.
Well, yesterday he picked up something with my name on it and commented, "you really like that space, don't you?" I responded by saying "um, yeah, it belongs there, does it not?"
Apparently, it doesn't.
For the past four months, I've made a big deal about that damn space, making sure it got the respect I thought it deserved, only to learn that it's my extemporaneous addition, one I added when I thought I heard Matt say it belonged there when all he said was that he capitalized the L.
Ugh. What do I do? Do I soldier forward with the space or do I make the switch before it's too late? Do I want to be known as Ali La Pointe or Ali LaPointe? I think I like the latter but I don't like that it's underscored as if it's spelled incorrectly, whereas the other way (with the space), is not.
Hmm, this is going to take some consideration. I'll have to doodle it a few hundred times to see which I prefer and then make my decision an official New Years Resolution, along with no longer ending my blog posts the same way each day.
I think I'll start that one now.
He said there was one. At least that's what I heard and ever since, I've used a space.
Well, yesterday he picked up something with my name on it and commented, "you really like that space, don't you?" I responded by saying "um, yeah, it belongs there, does it not?"
Apparently, it doesn't.
For the past four months, I've made a big deal about that damn space, making sure it got the respect I thought it deserved, only to learn that it's my extemporaneous addition, one I added when I thought I heard Matt say it belonged there when all he said was that he capitalized the L.
Ugh. What do I do? Do I soldier forward with the space or do I make the switch before it's too late? Do I want to be known as Ali La Pointe or Ali LaPointe? I think I like the latter but I don't like that it's underscored as if it's spelled incorrectly, whereas the other way (with the space), is not.
Hmm, this is going to take some consideration. I'll have to doodle it a few hundred times to see which I prefer and then make my decision an official New Years Resolution, along with no longer ending my blog posts the same way each day.
I think I'll start that one now.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Matt, Pinks, and the Christmas Blues.
I love these two. They are what I value most in this world, which is why it sucks that I can't figure out what the hell to get them for Christmas.
Usually, I'm an exquisite gift giver (remember the wedding present? orange cuff links made from a seat in the orignal Shea Stadium?) but for some reason, this year I suck.
I don't know what it is - it's true, I'm not in the holiday spirit. I don't know why; I"m just not.
Pinkerton is still sans stocking.
We didn't get a real tree this year.
I have lame gifts for Matty.
This is just unacceptable and I need to remedy it ASAP.
Fortunately, I did get Pinks one of the feather toys that she loves, so that's a bit of a consolation. And we did put up the fake tree left over from the 6th and Monroe days and it does look nice. And my gifts aren't super lame; he's going to like them but there's just not one that's a real standout.
I didn't want to do presents this year; instead, I wanted to use the money to buy a new computer but Matt wasn't having it; he wanted to stick to tradition.
Wait a minute, What's La Pointe of It All? I'm a traditionalist, too! That's it - I'm going to turn this around. Starting tomorrow, December 21st, I'm getting into the spirit of the season. Christmas, here I come!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
