I've been talking to a friend of mine who is contemplating ending her two year relationship with a pretty great guy. Because he is a good guy, it's hard for her to make the break, I mean, why break up with a nice guy when there are a lot of jackasses out there, right?
That's the attitude society takes, that she's "lucky", and should realize it before she "makes a big mistake" because "good guys are hard to find". Ugh, I hate it when people take that attitude. Just because a guy is a great guy and the relationship is "good", doesn't mean it's the right relationship.
In addition, they have a shared history and she's entwined with his family; both make it even harder for her to end the relationship. She even has a bunch of her stuff stored at his parent's house, which is giving her a lot of angst. I told her that she might as well kiss that stuff goodbye because once she makes the break, she won't ever see it again.
And she needs to make the break. The longer she stays in limbo land avoiding the situation, the more difficult it's going to be to make the break and the more it's going to hurt.
Which is why when she told me that yesterday, while the two of them were out shopping, she bought some Christmas tree decorations, I couldn't help but ask if she was going to store them in his parent's basement in her hopeless chest.
The image cracked both of us up but it's a valid question. I think we all turn into hoarders when we're trying to fill a void or when we want to avoid making decisions. It's easier to carry on and pretend to be moving forward by ignoring the situation and instead focusing on the pretend future.
Buying Christmas tree ornaments for a tree they'll never decorate together is one way to fill a hopeless chest but why bother filling it at all when instead, they can shut the lid and move on.
When a relationship has run its course, there's no use in retracing the route. It's hard to end a relationship with someone you love but are no longer in love with, but it's fruitless to continue filling a hopeless chest: they are bottomless and whatever is put into them turns into regret.
And that's the last thing she needs - she's young, successful, and gorgeous but more importantly, she has the Happy Gene and is always looking on the bright side. I would hate to see that go away but it could if she doesn't make the right decisions now - some people would be surprised at how easily it is for one to stay in a dead end relationship for years, and years, and years...
Which is why I advised her to stop pressuring herself about making this decision and instead, go out and get a hope chest because unlike a hopeless chest, whatever goes in, turns into the future.
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