My daughter is a little shawty, burning fire on the dance floor these days, and that dance floor just happens to be my separated abdomen. Perhaps she's celebrating 30 weeks of in utero living.
From what I gather, thinner women suffer from this condition - and I'm not using the word suffer lightly. The ridiculous pain in my side when I sit has progressed to a ridiculous pain in my side and back, in addition to a burning upper abdomen, when I sit, stand, or recline.
Woohoo! Lucky me.
Other than that, I appear to be having a "perfect pregnancy".
If this is perfect, then I hope my delivery is beyond...
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Dear Bebe
Dear Bebe,
I'm reading a book by Anne Lamott called Imperfect Birds and I would be lying if I didn't say that I'm already dreading your teenage years.
I have no doubt that we'll have a good relationship, one that is friendly without being friends and has boundaries but no true limits. I'm the true Nick Carraway - I have the capacity to reserve judgment until I'm full to bursting - and don't worry, you'll have a lot of freedom to grow, experience, mess up, eventually get it right. I'll probably surprise you, and a lot of my friends and family, with my quasi-hippiesque approach to child rearing and the only times you'll hear any complaints about your grades or career ambitions is if they are coming from your own mouth.
So please, do me a huge favor and don't get hooked on drugs. Say no to illegal/illicit/over the counter/under the counter/top shelf/bottom shelf/for human consumption/for animal consumption/natural/chemical/organic/synthetic drugs of all kinds.
Please.
And when I approach you head on with a direct question, don't lie to me. Trust me - the only time I'll go ballistic is if I discover that you're lying to my face (except if they are harmless white lies that make me feel thin or pretty).
I won't be mad because of the back story or the content of your lies, it's the balls out deception that will put me over the edge.
When you're old enough to be interested in reading full length novels, I'll give you a copy of Imperfect Birds and you can read it for yourself and then do everything in your being not to become Rosie and turn me into pathetic Elizabeth.
That's all for today,
Ciao, Bella.
I'm reading a book by Anne Lamott called Imperfect Birds and I would be lying if I didn't say that I'm already dreading your teenage years.
I have no doubt that we'll have a good relationship, one that is friendly without being friends and has boundaries but no true limits. I'm the true Nick Carraway - I have the capacity to reserve judgment until I'm full to bursting - and don't worry, you'll have a lot of freedom to grow, experience, mess up, eventually get it right. I'll probably surprise you, and a lot of my friends and family, with my quasi-hippiesque approach to child rearing and the only times you'll hear any complaints about your grades or career ambitions is if they are coming from your own mouth.
So please, do me a huge favor and don't get hooked on drugs. Say no to illegal/illicit/over the counter/under the counter/top shelf/bottom shelf/for human consumption/for animal consumption/natural/chemical/organic/synthetic drugs of all kinds.
Please.
And when I approach you head on with a direct question, don't lie to me. Trust me - the only time I'll go ballistic is if I discover that you're lying to my face (except if they are harmless white lies that make me feel thin or pretty).
I won't be mad because of the back story or the content of your lies, it's the balls out deception that will put me over the edge.
When you're old enough to be interested in reading full length novels, I'll give you a copy of Imperfect Birds and you can read it for yourself and then do everything in your being not to become Rosie and turn me into pathetic Elizabeth.
That's all for today,
Ciao, Bella.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Posting
When I sit down to blog, I start by reading through my blog roll and taking a few moments to comment on posts that strike me that particular day.
Sometimes those responses require a lot of thought and attention to language and thus, in turn, consume a lot of my blog energy.
Today was one of those days.
Sometimes those responses require a lot of thought and attention to language and thus, in turn, consume a lot of my blog energy.
Today was one of those days.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Foreshadowing
When I was really small, probably around the age of 3 or 4, my father left the house early one Saturday morning to go hunting. On the kitchen counter, he left a note for my mother that read something along the lines of this:
"Dear Ann,
I'm heading to the cabin to go hunting. I'll be back later this afternoon or early this evening; would you like to have dinner tonight?
Love, Butch
Ps. Do you think Allison needs drugs?"
From those words, I'm sure you can infer that I was, as they liked to call it back in the 70's before the onset of labels such as ADHD, hyperactive.
Therefore, I'm asking all of you to pray that Bebe inherits my fantastic skin and Matty's calm, controlled, logical demeanor. If it's the other way around, we're in for a world of hurt.
Not that he doesn't have great skin - I mean, he is Greek - but mine is really smooth and by far my best feature...
"Dear Ann,
I'm heading to the cabin to go hunting. I'll be back later this afternoon or early this evening; would you like to have dinner tonight?
Love, Butch
Ps. Do you think Allison needs drugs?"
From those words, I'm sure you can infer that I was, as they liked to call it back in the 70's before the onset of labels such as ADHD, hyperactive.
Therefore, I'm asking all of you to pray that Bebe inherits my fantastic skin and Matty's calm, controlled, logical demeanor. If it's the other way around, we're in for a world of hurt.
Not that he doesn't have great skin - I mean, he is Greek - but mine is really smooth and by far my best feature...
Friday, October 8, 2010
Blah, Blah, Blah
I haven't been blogging much lately.
My back pain is destroying my spirit; it's soul killing and frankly, I don't have much to say. A friend recommended acupuncture and I'm going to give it a try but I've been so busy commuting 2 hours a day, working 8 hours a day, tutoring after school, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, etc. that I haven't had a second to do anything other than complain. I'm going to call tomorrow and make an appointment.
I hate to complain even though it comes so easily to me. Isn't this supposed to be a wonderful, happy time? I have friends who would kill to be in my position; I know girls who are desperate to be pregnant and I feel selfish and horrid for going on about my discomfort. Please know that I'm not complaining about having a baby; I'm beyond excited to meet my little girl.
But I'm also terrified. I NEVER expected pregnancy to be so draining, so uncomfortable, so, well, all encompassing. I thought I would remain me, just pregnant in addition.
I haven't felt like myself for months now and it's really beginning to wear me down. I had an allergy attack at school yesterday that was the worst one of my life and today I'm dealing with the after effects: a raw nose, sore eyes, chapped lips and a headache. During that attack, I honestly felt that I was under attack, that an enemy had sensed my weak defenses and decided it was the perfect time to take advantage. Let's hope that enemy only won a battle and not the entire war or I'm screwed.
I want to feel like myself again and I am not sure when that's going to happen; I have a fairly good idea that it's not going to happen anytime soon because in a few months, my life as I've known it will be gone forever.
I hope I like the person I'll become.
My back pain is destroying my spirit; it's soul killing and frankly, I don't have much to say. A friend recommended acupuncture and I'm going to give it a try but I've been so busy commuting 2 hours a day, working 8 hours a day, tutoring after school, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, etc. that I haven't had a second to do anything other than complain. I'm going to call tomorrow and make an appointment.
I hate to complain even though it comes so easily to me. Isn't this supposed to be a wonderful, happy time? I have friends who would kill to be in my position; I know girls who are desperate to be pregnant and I feel selfish and horrid for going on about my discomfort. Please know that I'm not complaining about having a baby; I'm beyond excited to meet my little girl.
But I'm also terrified. I NEVER expected pregnancy to be so draining, so uncomfortable, so, well, all encompassing. I thought I would remain me, just pregnant in addition.
I haven't felt like myself for months now and it's really beginning to wear me down. I had an allergy attack at school yesterday that was the worst one of my life and today I'm dealing with the after effects: a raw nose, sore eyes, chapped lips and a headache. During that attack, I honestly felt that I was under attack, that an enemy had sensed my weak defenses and decided it was the perfect time to take advantage. Let's hope that enemy only won a battle and not the entire war or I'm screwed.
I want to feel like myself again and I am not sure when that's going to happen; I have a fairly good idea that it's not going to happen anytime soon because in a few months, my life as I've known it will be gone forever.
I hope I like the person I'll become.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
The Pain of It All
My back has turned its back on me and I'm in a tremendous amount of pain.
Unless I'm standing or lying down, the pain on my right side is unbearable and no amount of Tylenol puts it at ease. This is only my 7th month; if this pain continues, I don't know if I will.
That thought is terrifying.
The only time I feel normal is when I'm walking, which is why instead of relaxing after breakfast and watching the Ryder with Matty and Duncan, I chose to walk the trail around Eagles Mere Lake this morning; I was quite impressed with how quickly and nimbly I made it around. It was a gorgeous morning in The Endless Mountains and it was exhilarating to be alone in nature with a view of the water.
Tomorrow morning at an ungodly hour, I'll be commuting on the Turnpike instead of communing with nature. I just don't think that's how God meant for us to live our lives.
Pain, pain, go away; don't come again another day.
Unless I'm standing or lying down, the pain on my right side is unbearable and no amount of Tylenol puts it at ease. This is only my 7th month; if this pain continues, I don't know if I will.
That thought is terrifying.
The only time I feel normal is when I'm walking, which is why instead of relaxing after breakfast and watching the Ryder with Matty and Duncan, I chose to walk the trail around Eagles Mere Lake this morning; I was quite impressed with how quickly and nimbly I made it around. It was a gorgeous morning in The Endless Mountains and it was exhilarating to be alone in nature with a view of the water.
Tomorrow morning at an ungodly hour, I'll be commuting on the Turnpike instead of communing with nature. I just don't think that's how God meant for us to live our lives.
Pain, pain, go away; don't come again another day.
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