All though I no longer live somewhere that looks like this pic, this is how my summer mornings feel during those precious moments between waking and getting swallowed by wedding planning.
That window opens each morning at 7 am and is usually closed by 11 but those four hours are the most fantastic ones of my day - and my year. I'm really sad because I only have two more summertime morning windows left here in NJ before I go back to work and am forced to put an end to my early morning routine.
No more waking up and spending the first 15 minutes devoting myself to Pinkerton's antics. No more making Matty lunch and coffee and then walking him to his train. No more morning walks for fitness up to Ogden and down to the waterfront. No more listening to NPR while walking and enjoying the sights of the city. No more stopping at Dames Coffee for a 75 cent mini cranberry scone. No more chit-chatting on the phone with Aym as I turn the corner and head to my front door. No more making myself a coffee, grabbing a yogurt, and sitting down to blog.
Nope, come September 8th, I'll have to get up 75 minutes earlier yet there will never be enough time in my day to do any of the above.
Okay, so I'm more of a glass half empty type of girl when it comes to certain aspects of my life. You probably assumed that from my post the other day when I mentioned how most girls would be over the moon with happiness if they were about to marry.
This has NOTHING to do with getting married and frankly, I'm tired of people telling me to just relax and stop thinking about anything other than that fact. Honestly, isn't that kind of insulting to assume that one aspect of a person's life can cancel out all other factors? As if we are one dimensional beings who lack the capacity for complexity?
Don't worry - I'm not the Debbie Downer you think I am. Yes, I realize that I'm leaving for Scotland on Thursday and therefore get to enjoy 12 mornings of Scottish sunrises, followed by 5 Mallorcan mornings and honestly, I can't freakin' wait - I've been looking forward to marrying Matty since the day we first kissed. Plus, I LOVE Scotland more than I'll ever love the US (sorry, I'm not un-patriotic, just honest - it's just way better in so many ways) and I can't wait to see my friends whom I haven't seen in almost a year. Mallorca is going to be insane and I'm thrilled that I'll be coming home with a kick ass Mediterranean tan!
But in terms of my life here in New Jerey, well, the next two and a half weeks don't count. Why? Because somehow, I've managed to compartmentalize the entire walking holiday, wedding weekend, and honeymoon into a tangential experience that, strangely, does not seem part of real life because it's way too lovely.
Perhaps it's because this is the latest I've ever gone abroad during the summer; maybe that fact has contributed to the surreal atmosphere that has formed around the next two and a half weeks. After all, I would usually be coming home at this point in August, having spent the summer pleasurably walking the British Isles with the girls and alone, relaxing at Alltan with a glass of wine and an episode of How Clean is Your House, and blogging from and shopping in the Kingston Upon Thames market square. It's weird to just be leaving now.
But let's be honest - what's really eating at me is that when I come home from the happiest experience of my life, I'm going to be immediately submerged in what has not always been one of the happiest experiences of my life.
Commuting two hours, round trip, a day on the NJ Turnpike is like waking up to a game of Russian roulette each morning and the thought of it beginning again - the thought of spending the next TEN MONTHS with a gun pointed at my head - is making me a little bit cagey.
So, what's La Pointe of It All? Well, that's what I need to figure out and I think I'm heading in the right direction with my recent decisions. I want every morning of my life to feel like this picture and dammit, I'm gonna make it happen.
