The Happiest Place on Earth

Copenhagen
Originally uploaded by Daniel Niño

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Maybe instead of running up credit card debt, emptying the savings account or "borrowing" from the college fund to pay for a superficial holiday at Disney World, the American family should fix its focus on visiting the true happiest place on Earth.

But where is that?

A recent survey awarded Denmark this honor, prompting Oprah to visit Copenhagen in an effort to figure out why this country is happier than others. Its citizens cited reasons such as universal health care, free post secondary education, and low to no crime as a few of the reasons they don't mind paying up to 60% of their salaries in income tax (the higher the salary, the higher the tax).

In Denmark, the slogan "less things, more life" pretty much sums up the value placed on happiness over wealth. Education is seen as a way to ensure health and happiness and people choose their line of work based solely on interest and not earning potential.

The work day in Denmark ends promptly at 4 pm - that's when people head to the market and then home to spend quality time with their families. Family, is after all, paramount in Denmark.

Which is why it might confuse people to learn that Danish parents leave their strollered babes unattended in public outside of cafes and shops while they run errands and socialize. Seriously, they do! And guess what? They do this with complete confidence and no one judges them!

(Remember when that British couple left their daughter asleep in their Spanish hotel room while they dined with friends below? And she was kidnapped? And the world turned a critical eye toward her parents, accusing them of everything from bad parenting to murder? Hmm, I wonder how the Danes reacted to that case. With compassion, perhaps? I know I did - it sounds perfectly reasonable to me)

So, What's La Pointe of It All? Is it true? Are Danes happier than Americans (seriously, need I ask?) or are they just more narcissistic?

The Secret

The other day, I saw an episode of Oprah about how one's life can change in a minute and although all of the stories brought tears to my eyes, one couple in particular captured my attention.

Christian and Stephanie Nielson survived a fiery plane crash: she suffered burns over 70% of her body, while Christian was burned over 30% of his.

I'm sure the before and after pictures shocked viewers: the couple was, and still is, gorgeous but that beauty has changed - at least superficially. The audience members' faces made that very clear.

But it wasn't their looks that mesmerized me - it was the way they occupied their space in this world: with grace and comfortable elegance. When Christian walked on stage and sat down and joined his wife, his body language spoke to me. He settled naturally in to his seat, threw an arm around his wife, crossed his legs in a nonchalant fashion that said, "We don't mind if you stare at us; we have not changed; we still adore one another; we are still out in the world, living our lives; we are happy because our choices are ours."

Matt was watching the program with me and he, too, noticed the way the couple carried themselves, and remarked that it was obvious that the couple had a lot of class.

"That guy is money - just look at how he sits. No one I know sits like that, except for Cliff and Jamie and well, they're British. That posture is just built into the British culture, right?"

I looked at Matty, and then at Christian and his lovely wife (who sat, carriage erect, in an outfit that matched her authentic loveliness) and I thought to myself, "that couple shares a secret that I would like us to share with them".

And I was jealous.

Yep, jealous of two burn victims who struggle daily with physical pain and emotional scars... but who still manage to live life beautifully and authentically because they know the secret and I don't.

I want my husband to sit like that.

I want to hold my shoulders erect like that.

When the show ended, the Nielsons stuck with me. I couldn't get them out of my head and not for the same reason that the rest of America is probably thinking of them. I want my marriage to mirror theirs.

I vowed that I would discover the secret, too.

This morning, I had coffee with my friend and wedding photographer Celine - she knows the secret, too, and in her defense, has been trying to tell it to me for years, I'm sure. As we sat at Starbucks looking at pics from Skye, I came upon a pic of my friend Cliff and bam! it hit me - Cliff and his wife Yolandie know the secret, too! I could see this in the pic - it was so apparent in his body language and, in retrospect, so clear in every interaction I've had with the two.

We started talking about Cliff and Yolandie and their amazing, authentic lives, which lead to me explaining my secret theory, which I supported with an allusion to "this couple I saw on Oprah last week who survived a plane crash".

Celine started to laugh, "You mean Nienie and Christian? They're friends of mine - you must read her blog, it's brilliant, you'll love it. They are amazing - she's like a modern version of a 1950's housewife: she can create, cook, craft, coddle, you name it, all while dressed to the nines and with a smile on her face. They live their lives according to their own choices but they never judge the choices of others, which is why they are so awesome".

I sat, stunned.

Of course Celine knows the Neilson. And now she knows Cliff and Yolandie.

So, What's La Pointe of It All? Well, if it's true what they say about the six degrees of separation, then perhaps I'm much closer to the secret than I thought!

Ps. if you are interested, here's the URL for Stephanie's blog:

http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/